In Karen's Honor

Today is my sister Karen’s yahrzeit - the anniversary of the day she died. Karen died in 2012, a week before her 65th birthday. In 2001 Karen spent a month in the Mayo Clinic fighting for her life. She survived ARDS (Adult Respiratory Distress Syndrome). At the time we knew how high the mortality rate for ARDS was and how incredible her recovery was. But in 2012, the cumulative damage to her lungs, coupled with a new illness, brought about her death in a matter of days. Along with many family members, I was blessed to be with her as she died. I sat alone with her, my hand on her arm, until the funeral home came for her body.

COVID-19 has been compared to ARDS. Most comparisons explain all the ways COVID-19 is significantly more complex and dramatically worse than ARDS.

I’m not going to discuss all the challenges individuals, families, communities, schools, students, teachers and small businesses are facing. I’m not going to discuss the harrowing, exhausting, dangerous experiences of healthcare workers. I’m not going to discuss all the risks being faced by essential frontline workers - from police officers to letter carriers to grocery store staff.

I am going to say this: This is not forever. Be patient. Remember the common good. Wear your mask. Wash your hands. Make sure you and everyone you know is registered to vote. Take care of yourselves. Take care of each other. And stay the fuck home.

I love you Karen. I miss you.

Election Night 2016

We knew this would be a tough election and a rough night. And we knew that no matter the outcome, the work to move us forward would continue tomorrow; wounds would need to healed; new - perhaps fragile - bridges built.

If things continue to go pear shaped, we will all need to be even more committed in our support of the organizations and elected officials who share our values. We will not abandon our beliefs nor our deep and lasting love for our country.

Be Not Afraid

Kol haolam kulo gesher tzar m’od
v’ha-ikar lo l’facheid klal

The entire world is but a narrow bridge;
the most important thing is not to be afraid

~ Reb Nachman of Breslov


Photograph and Layout LMR/Pink Granite. Software: Apple iPhoto ‘08 & Adobe Photoshop CS5 for Mac. Fonts: Helvetica and Papyrus.

The Tiniest Word

“A”
Indefinite Article
Used before nouns and noun phrases that denote a single but unspecified person or thing: a region; a person...

a cancer...

We were driving along, slurping slushy Del’s Frozen Lemonades and relishing the unique-to-Rhode-Island taste when his cell phone rang. The number displayed didn’t look familiar. He was about to ignore it. Then I asked: “What if it’s Lahey Clinic?”
But that didn’t make sense because they told us the biopsy results could take 7-10 days and here it was, little more than 48 hours later.

I pulled into the parking lot of the Garden City Whole Foods as he answered the phone.
Yes, it was Lahey. More precisely it was Dr. M. She is young and smart and skilled in her speciality and in surgery. She is a natural teacher and she has a wonderful bedside manner.
He pressed speaker on his cell phone.
“Hi it’s Dr. M”
She told us everything that mattered, in a way that showed he mattered to her.

After he hung up I dictated into my cell phone everything I could remember of what Dr. M had said.
The most important things I remembered were “this is the best possible type of cancer under the best possible circumstances” and “don’t panic”.

I broke the notes up into manageable blocks and texted it to his sister who is also an MD. His sister is such a fine doctor that she could have mentored Dr. M.

The sun was shining brightly even as it dipped lower in the sky. We sat in the parking lot for several minutes. We heard a siren and then more sirens. Cars zipped by; carriages wheeled and clanked; doors slammed shut.

We continued to drive home. We talked, were quiet, choked up, laughed, ran a couple of errands, talked and laughed some more.

At one point he said: “I have cancer.”

It suddenly struck me at a deep, intuitive level and I replied: “You have A cancer.”

Both of us are old enough to remember the way cancer used to be written caps-lock on people’s hearts; screamed out in people’s minds, but it was spoken of aloud only in hushed, fearful tones.

And we both have lived long enough to have family members and friends die of cancer. One friend died Monday; one family member died in May.

We also have friends and loved ones who have cancer written on their medical charts, but for whom it has receded. Yes, receded. I’m not talking about remission or cures or watchful waiting. I mean that a cancer diagnosis and treatment is something that they went through. They have certain ongoing responsibilities. But the experience has taken its place among all their other life experiences.

“You have A cancer.”

That tiny word; that perfectly named indefinite article of “A”, is helping to restore perspective; transform our understanding of this cancer and make it into something manageable.


===
I wrote this in August 2015.
Today is Chuck's first day of 42 radiation treatments.
As we have told our family and friends, all will be well.
That message was echoed by all of his doctors.
Yes, all will definitely be well...

Peace...

"Blue Marble" photograph via NASA
Transliterated languages via Columbia University

Layout LMR/Pink Granite. Photo: "Blue Marble" via NASA. Software: Apple iPhoto ‘08 & Adobe Photoshop CS5 for Mac. Font: Hypatia Sans Pro.

A Broken Heart

"You will lose someone you can't live without…"
~ Anne Lamott

Layout, photograph and design by LMR/Pink Granite. Software: Apple iPhoto ‘08 & Adobe Photoshop CS5 for Mac. Font: Hypatia Sans Pro.

On Grief

"Some things in life cannot be fixed. They can only be carried."
~ Megan Devine

Learn more about Megan Devine


Layout, photo and texture by LMR/Pink Granite. Software: Apple iPhoto ‘08 & Adobe Photoshop CS5 for Mac. Font: Helvetica.

New Drinking Game

If not Bernie Sanders

I would suggest Martin O’Malley

Or perhaps Hillary Clinton


Thanks to Alana Is Alive for the original post.

Love Wins!

Headline:
Supreme Court Declares Same-Sex Marriage Legal In All 50 States
Just one of many articles, this one from NPR

Justice Anthony Kennedy wrote the majority opinion. Here is the closing paragraph:

“No union is more profound than marriage, for it embodies the highest ideals of love, fidelity, devotion, sacrifice, and family. In forming a marital union, two people become something greater than once they were. As some of the petitioners in these cases demonstrate, marriage embodies a love that may endure even past death. It would misunderstand these men and women to say they disrespect the idea of marriage. Their plea is that they do respect it, respect it so deeply that they seek to find its fulfillment for themselves. Their hope is not to be condemned to live in loneliness, excluded from one of civilization’s oldest institutions. They ask for equal dignity in the eyes of the law. The Constitution grants them that right.
The judgment of the Court of Appeals for the Sixth Circuit is reversed.
It is so ordered.”


As I wrote six years ago:
“Perhaps the most transformative aspect of living in a state where same sex marriage was legalized May 17, 2004 is that the sky did not fall. None of the dire predictions and specious arguments made by the opponents came to pass - in particular the idea that allowing same sex couples to marry would undermine “traditional” marriage between a man and a woman. It didn’t happen. And that wonderful, ho hum normalcy has been one of the most powerful arguments in favor of marriage equality.”

I am proud of the Commonwealth of Massachusetts and so grateful that the Supreme Court has ruled in favor of justice and equality and love.

As President Barack Obama said this morning:
“Today, we can say in no uncertain terms that we have made our union a little more perfect.”


Layout, photo of granite and paper by LMR/Pink Granite. Software: Apple iPhoto ‘08 & Adobe Photoshop CS5 for Mac. Font: Helvetica.

From The Hills of Western Worcester County

This is the path I had to shovel from our back porch and barn, in order to get to the far side of the kitchen wing to rake that roof.
The top of the snow on the path is up to my hip.
But I should note that I did not shovel all the way down to the ground!
The snow high on the barn siding is what has been blown there by the wind.

What a winter!

Milk, Bread & Eggs

There was a cute article in the Washington Post: Milk and Bread Are Actually Pretty Terrible Survival Foods.

We all joke about the French Toast Alert System and rushing to the store before storms, stripping the shelves bare. The Washington Post article takes all that on and wonders why we do it.

I believe a big reason we do what we do goes back decades.
What three staples used to be delivered to homes because they were perishable and we ran out of them?
Yup. Milk, Bread & Eggs...

Thank You Josh!

Two Words

In the past few weeks I have read a lot of advice about how to make changes in the New Year: how to keep a resolution; why you should never make a resolution; how to shed excess pounds and excess baggage; how to cleanse your body of toxins; how to bid farewell to toxic people.

Lots of advice is available to us; much of it good.

My two cents?

Two words:

Choose Joy.

I don’t mean hedonism nor selfishness.
We still must work for peace and justice - not to mention food on the table and a roof over our heads.

I am talking about an internal shift.
An attitude of gratitude? Yes.
The Golden Rule? Yes.
Generosity? Yes.
Engaging with the world well intentioned, with kindness and respect? Yes.

But in addition to those; even more than those, I urge you to choose joy.

This, from David Buskin and Robin Batteau, is the “Choose Joy” theme song. ;o)



Here’s to a Happy, Healthy - and Joyous New Year!

Bigger Than Ferguson

Tonight's protests are not just about Mike Brown, Darren Wilson, the grand jury, Robert McCulloch and Ferguson, Missouri.
The roots of this distress are old; they run deep and wide.

I feel the echoes of the Civil Rights movement in the 1960s, the protests against the Vietnam War.

I also feel the rumblings of the more recent Citizens United and Voting Rights Act decisions in the Supreme Court.

As Michael Brown's parents wrote: "We respectfully ask that you please keep your protests peaceful. Answering violence with violence is not the appropriate reaction. Let's not just make noise, let's make a difference."

May these protests be peaceful.

May good come from these actions.

With the internet there is the opportunity to communicate and organize. The Ferguson National Response Network is just one example.

"Stay"

“On Suicide” was written by Jennifer Michael Hecht and posted on January 11, 2010.
I refer to it simply as “Stay”.
It is one of the most poignant, powerful, passionate and compassionate messages I have ever read against suicide. She wrote it after the suicides of two friends.

Because Robin Williams committed suicide within the last 24 hours, I felt compelled to post excerpts from Ms. Hecht’s post here:

“So I want to say this, and forgive me the strangeness of it.  Don’t kill yourself.  Life has always been almost too hard to bear, for a lot of the people, a lot of the time.  It’s awful.  But it isn’t too hard to bear, it’s only almost too hard to bear.”

“...if you are even a tiny bit staying alive for the sake of the community, as a favor to the rest of us, I need to make it clear to you that we are grateful that you stay.  I am grateful that you stay alive.”

“The truth is I want you to live for your sake, not for ours.  But the injunction is true and real.  Anyway, some part of you doesn’t want to end it all, and I’m talking to her or him, to that part of you.  I’m throwing you a rope, you don’t have to explain it to the monster in you, just tell the monster it can do whatever it wants, but not that.  Later we’ll get rid of the monster, for now just hang on to the rope.”

I want very much to publish Ms. Hecht’s full article, but I do not own the rights. So I urge you to go to her original post and read it in its entirety. “On Suicide”

Then print it out and hang onto it. You may never need to read it again yourself. But if you ever do or if you want to give a copy to a friend, you will be relieved you have it to hand.

Thank you Jennifer Michael Hecht. We are so grateful you have stayed and that you wrote this...

Flu Vax

‘Tis the season for flu shots - at least in the Northern Hemisphere. Chuck’s Doc told him that cases have already been reported in California. He recommended this year we get our flu shots sooner rather than later. We did that on Saturday. It was at a “Flu Clinic” in our doctors’ offices. The situation was not handled all that well. Turns out, we had some options, which we weren’t expecting.

First off, the Flu.gov website is still statically operational. But thanks to the Republicans in Congress, for the foreseeable future, it cannot be updated. That said, it really does have a wealth of useful information. Likewise, the CDC site has a great deal of information. But it too is only statically available.

Here are some of the choices you may face when you go for your flu vaccine:

Trivalent, Standard Dose, Intramuscular
Trivalent, Standard Dose, Intradermal
Trivalent, High Dose, Intramuscular
Quadrivalent, Standard Dose, Intramuscular
Quadrivalent, Standard Dose, Intranasal

Honestly, there may be even more options than I have listed here. But I wanted to mention these so that you have the opportunity to do a little research and be better prepared than we were when we attended the Flu Clinic. It’s also quite possible that where you go may have just one variety available.

Because there are a great many age and health related recommendations for who should get which vaccine, please visit the Flu.gov and CDC websites to learn more.

Bottom line: Everyone 6 months of age and older, who is eligible, should get some one of the flu vaccines.

You Had ONE Job...

So, the Federal Government of The United States of America has been shutdown.

Thank you Republicans.

The members of the US House of Representatives get paid $174,000 a year. (Some have argued that they aren’t paid enough. The theory being that if they were paid even more, then they would be less vulnerable to big-money, deep-pocketed lobbyists and corporations.) So there they are, getting paid handsomely for their time, as members of an extremely elite group, who have the power to make things better for not only their constituents but for all the citizens of our country and, often, for the whole world.

Did the Republicans do that one job? No. They worked very hard and very steadily to shut down the government. They started working on that job ages ago. Sorry guys (and it really is mostly older, white guys) that wasn’t the job description. That wasn’t what the Founding Fathers you claim to revere had in mind and it sure as hell wasn’t what the voters had in mind when they went to the polls last November.

Now that you Republicans have had your hissy fit, your temper tantrum, your break with reality, your frat-boy kegger at our expense, do what Democratic Congressman Jim McGovern of Massachusetts said: Put on your big boy pants.

You have one job fellas. Do it.

Shameful

The four Democrats who voted against common sense background checks were Senators Max Baucus, Montana, Mark Begich, Alaska, Heidi Heitkamp, North Dakota and Mark Pryor, Arkansas.

Image courtesy of the National Council of Jewish Women

Kodlak

That’s Kodlak! He’s adorable! Yes?

Kodlak is seven months old and lives in Ohio with Lauren and Mike.
Kodlak has histoplasmosis and he needs a lot of medical care so he can vanquish that nasty fungal infection. Mike and Lauren are hardworking kids, a little younger than our nieces and nephews. The veterinary bills are already high and are going to continue to be significant as treatment will take several months.

Tonight Lauren and Mike launched a fundraising page for Kodlak over on Indiegogo. I had been hoping they would and as soon as I saw Lauren’s Tweet I made a modest contribution.

Kodlak reminds me of our cat Rory. Rory was a small, all black stray who found his way to us many years ago. He was ever so sweet. We called all the neighbors to see if he belonged to anyone. The elderly man next door said that he had been feeding the little guy, but that he couldn’t take him in. So we did. We took him to our wonderful vet who gave him a good check up, vaccinated and microchipped him. Unfortunately, little more than a week later, Rory was having trouble breathing. We rushed him back to our vet who ordered an X-Ray. That showed Rory had a very large infection in his chest. The doc speculated that while Rory was out in the wild he was in some sort of fight and was wounded in his side. The skin had healed over but the infection was growing inside and pressing on his lungs. Without the X-Ray there would have been no way to tell what was happening. That was why Rory passed his well-kitty check-up with flying colors only a week before.

Our vet ran an IV with fluids and handed us the X-Rays. We bundled Rory up in a blanket and I held him in my arms, with the IV bag in the air, while Chuck drove us to Tufts University Veterinary Hospital in North Grafton, Massachusetts. Our vet had called ahead so they were expecting us. They examined Rory immediately. The doctors told us they would have to perform surgery to drain the fluid and deal with the infection. They also asked for a substantial payment before they could operate. We handed over a credit card and well over a $1,000 was charged. They told us it could be closer to $2,000 when all was said and done. We didn’t have $1,000 to spare, but we knew we had to do all we could for Rory.

We drove home worried but hopeful. Surely, Tufts would be able to help. Shortly after arriving home we got a call. The doctors had Rory on the operating table and they didn’t believe he could be saved; the infection was too great; his body too severely compromised. They were calling us to get permission to suspend the emergency life savings measures they were performing. So we had to let Rory go. The next day we drove back to Tufts and picked up his body. We buried him under the crabapple tree.

Maybe it’s because Kodlak reminds me of Rory. Maybe it’s because I am familiar with what Lauren and Mike are going through with the backing and forthing to the vet and trying to administer medicines at home. Maybe it’s because Lauren is fierce and funny and does not suffer fools gladly and I admire her feistiness. Most likely it’s “all of the above” and that’s why I wanted to help.

I hope you will too. Here is their fundraising page: Help Kodlak Kick Histoplasmosis.

Even if you can’t donate right now, do click through to see some more cute photos of Kodlak on the “gallery” page.

I Won!

Way back in early November, Melanie of Melanie In The Middle hosted a giveaway of a Ninja 3-in-1 Cooking System - a crockpot meets stovetop meets oven. It looked pretty nifty and 318 of us entered to win.

In mid-December I received a text message from Melanie via Twitter letting me know I had won! Just before New Year’s Eve the Ninja arrived. With Chuck getting sick at Christmas and then relapsing and our trying to make up for lost holidays it took me ages to try it out. But I finally did and I really liked it!

I’ve had the same crockpot for more than 30 years. Yes, electricity had been invented back then! It still works fine; has two “speeds”: low and high and is the tall round kind. But the new oval Ninja has a “Stovetop” feature which means I can sear meat and then add all the ingredients and let it simmer away.

So that’s what I did. I bought a boneless pork loin roast at Trader Joe’s, seasoned it, set the Ninja to Stovetop High and browned the pork. It sizzled nicely. Then I added the onions, apples, garlic - well, this recipe. I put the cover on and set it to do its traditional crockpot-thing.

I had read on-line that the little steam hole in the lid sometimes allowed too much liquid to evaporate. I really wanted to walk away and forget it so I decided to cover the hole. I took a Post-It note and carefully pressed the sticky strip over the hole. It stayed in place the whole time and left no mark when I removed it.

After a few hours I peeked inside and found everything was looking good and smelling just right. Because of the oval shape of the Ninja I changed plans and instead of making mashed potatoes, I dropped the cut up potatoes into the Ninja all around the roast. As they cooked they absorbed lots of flavor. At the end, I did remove the liquid to a small saucepan to thicken it, this time with a quick roux.

I thought about serving the roast with wine or ale. Then I remembered we had some Woodchuck hard cider. We opened the “Winter” which was excellent with the meal. Actually, it would be delicious with anything and all on its own.

Oh, I almost forgot - clean up. It was easy-peasy! My classic crockpot is crockery and very heavy and always required soaking to get the rim clean. Not so the metal Ninja with its non-stick surface.

The final result? Chuck loved it and so did I! Chuck also wanted me to send his best regards and thanks to Miss Melanie. I echo that as well.

Now - if Charlie Sheen hasn’t ruined it forever - that’s what I call “Winning”!
;o)